Travellers
by Artemisdesari
Summary: Jeff gathers the boys together to give them some news and John meets a girl. Pre-series, merges with series. Same 'verse as Blood of Innocents
1. Chapter 1

_So I started this years ago, and was going to expand it into a different story entirely. Having taken Madeline from this fic and transplanted her into Blood of Innocents (because I wanted to play with John and I refuse to change the phrasing of that) I decided to change this into something of a prequel. Not that you need to know what happens in Blood of Innocents to understand what's happening here. It's really just a case of John meets a girl._

_**Disclaimer**: I'm not playing with the boys, they're not mine which is a real pity because I would love to have them. I would like that a great deal. Instead I'm having to give them back after I've played with them this time. _

Travellers._  
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John Tracy's blue eyes slide open with the trill of his alarm, drifting over the walls of his hotel room as he tries to figure out why it is that his mouth tastes like a badger's armpit. There is a light pounding in his skull and he can smell stale smoke on his skin.

This is the last time that he goes out with Scott and Virgil. He thinks there might have been tequila in there somewhere, not that this is a surprise where his brothers are concerned, and the blond can more than handle his own but tequila is the one drink that leaves him the worse for wear the next day.

A hot shower goes a long way towards making him feel that much more human and he knows that meeting Scott and Virgil in the hotel dinning room for breakfast will help as well. He has not seen his brothers for months and even with the lingering headache this morning he knows that going out with them was more than worth it. The Tracy family is a close one and John has a feeling that they are only going to get closer as the years go on, especially if their father really has found what he has been looking for.

"Morning, Johnny," Scott greets him in the elevator. This is a man who is _far _too cheerful for someone who drank as much as he did the night before. "And how's the head this morning?" He claps the blond on the shoulder and John winces a little under the force of it.

"Not bad, where's Virgil?" He deflects the attention from himself and is a little alarmed when Scott shrugs.

"I called him, he said something about twins and told us to meet him down there." John shakes his head, of all of them Virgil would be the one to get laid. "Say, what happened to that little blonde thing you were talking to half the night?" His brother asks suddenly and John shrugs. He certainly remembers her, with her petite features, pixie cut hair and heavy dark rimmed glasses, but it did not go further than conversation and he feels a pang of regret about that.

"Nothing," he shrugs back, following his brother to their table and reaching for the coffee pot as soon as it is placed in front of them. He is suddenly grateful that Virgil is not here yet, at least this time he gets some before his older brother has managed to drink it all.

"Well tell me you at least got her number?" Scott asks incredulously and stares when John shakes his head. "Jeez, what is the world coming to when a Tracy can't get a girl's number?"

"I didn't see you manage it either," John points out.

"I've got Hollie," Scott smiles, "I don't need to." On one hand it warms John to see his brother so happy, on the other is makes him worry. The closer their father's plan comes to completion the more likely Scott is to be dragged away from her. "...I'm not saying that I don't look or anything," Scott continues and John realises that he has lost half of the conversation. "Are you listening to me, John?"

"What? No, all I could hear was buzzing," he smirks. "When did you say father was coming with the other two?" He changes the subject and Scott rolls his eyes at his brother.

"They're meeting us in Travellers at twelve," Virgil says and he slides into his own seat. There is a smugness about him and John sighs, there will be stories later he is sure and he does not think that he wants to hear them. "This is disgusting," his brother says then as he takes a mouthful of his coffee.

"It's not that bad," John says as he takes his own sip and tries to avoid pulling a face.

"Only because you taint it with cream and sugar, Johnny," Scott disagrees. "_This _is actually vile."

"Hotel coffee is _never _that good," John reasons. "I'll be interested to know exactly what it is that father wants us to see."

"I think all of us will," Virgil replies.

The three of them fall on their food, devouring the breakfast with far more relish than they did the coffee. Conversation is abandoned for the time being as they take their fill. It has been a while since they have been together like this and John finds a great deal of comfort in the presence of his older brothers.

On their way to meet Jeff and their younger brothers the talk between them is light and easy, almost as though they have spent little time apart and the words flow as they catch up with one another. When they arrive at Travellers it is with relief. This is a small coffee chain that they are all fond of and the rest of their family is already waiting for them when they arrive. Gordon reacts with his typical exuberance, bounding over the chairs with a loud cry.

"_Darlings_," he exclaims in the worst false British accent John has ever heard. He rolls his eyes and he wonders, not for the first time, what he ever did to deserve such a brother. Scott just laughs, taking advantage of Gordon's momentary distraction to wrap his arm around the red-head's neck and rub his knuckles against his brother's head. Gordon howls and thrashes a little.

"Get off!" He says reaching for Scott's arm as John rolls his eyes at Virgil. The two of them abandon the others in favour of joining their father and Alan at the table. The greeting they receive there is less noisy but no less joyous, gentle conversation until the waitress comes over to pour the new arrivals a cup of coffee.

"Say, isn't that her from last night?" Scott asks, nudging John in the ribs. The blond looks up and meets hazel eyes behind thick rimmed black glasses. She blushes and smiles at him a little shyly, John is suddenly acutely aware of the attention of his family and he cannot help the faint blush that comes to his own cheeks.

"It is," Virgil grins.

"I'm surprised you even noticed," Scott stares over at Virgil, "you were completely entranced by those twins."

John is staring at the small woman as his two older brothers bicker and banter back and forth about the things they noticed last night. The colour is high on her cheeks and she looks so uncomfortable, so unsure, that he leans closer.

"Ignore them," he whispers, "it's not _you_they're trying to get to."

"It's alright," she whispers, filling the cups in front of them, "if they upset me I'll just kick them out."

"Could you do that anyway?" He smiles and her answering on is shy.

"Not today," she looks at the rest of the family who have apparently stopped talking and are watching them with interest. "Let me know if there's anything else I can get you," she finishes as she walks away.

"I can think of a few things _John_would like her to do for him," Gordon winks. John closes his eyes, half wishing that when he opens them again this will all have been a bad dream.

"Boys," Jeff cuts in before the teasing can really start, his tone smiling. "We're here for another reason, remember?" There is a series of nods and _yes, sir_'s, as they turn back to the matter at hand. "As you know, boys, I've been looking for an island that we can base our operations from. I believe I have found it."

From there the topic of their conversation turns into veiled references to the future they plan to create. If John steals glances at the petite blonde waitress then his brothers do not have to know, and if they have noticed then they do not mention it. He is certain, however, that he is in for a great deal of teasing later.


	2. Chapter 2

_So this started as a one shot. Then people said that they wanted more. This is happening four years before Blood of Innocents and two and a half years before the first rescue, I figured I should probably put a time scale on it all. Anyway, enjoy everyone._

Like his brothers John can see the potential of the island that his father has brought them all to. At the moment all there is to it is a runway in need of some maintenance and an old wooden jetty that looks like it would collapse if one of them so much as set foot on it. As far as accommodation goes all that remains is a series of half collapsed cabins, showing it to be a long abandoned holiday resort.

"What about the machines?" Scott asks. "Where are we going to store them? It'll take a lot to cut into the stone around here."

Jeff turns his eyes towards the extinct volcano that rises on the other side of the island. The boys all follow his gaze.

"That did a lot of the work for us. There's a series of inter-connected caverns and tunnels underneath us. It's going to take a lot of work to stabilise them, and a lot of effort to hide them, but it'll be worth it."

"It would take years if we tried to do it all ourselves," John comments and sees Virgil nod out the corner of his eye. Like his brother John has been thinking about he sheer amount it would take to do this, money and labour, and he knows that were his family to try and do this alone it could take them the rest of their lives.

"I know," his father nods, "much as I hate to have to do it I'm going to get people in to do the work we need. Different companies for different sections so that no one can make any connections at a later date."

John considers it and knows that it makes complete sense. Even though their father does not need the complete approval of his sons he always wants to have their input. Some how, however, he gets the impression that he and Virgil will be doing most of it. Scott's relationship with Hollie is at that stage where the older man is loathe to be parted from her for extended periods of time. Alan is still completing his astronaut training and Gordon has weekly physiotherapy sessions even now to help with the long term injuries sustained in his accident. As the only ones without essential commitments John knows that it will fall to him and Virgil to help with the construction of both villa and underground base.

They spend the next few hours walking around the island, Virgil already has his sketchbook out and is drawing rough images while John takes pictures on his phone. He is dimly aware of Scott and his father talking in low voices, more than likely about Hollie, and he feels a brief flash of envy that his brother has been so lucky.

"So well have a pool, right?" Gordon asks as he peers over Virgil's shoulder. It is a prime position for him to get belted by his older brother, the chestnut haired Tracy never likes people to look at his work until it is finished, but Virgil just shrugs and reaches back to flick Gordon's ear. The red head yelps and shifts back.

"We're on an island in the tropics, Gordon, you've got a whole ocean to swim in." He mumbles, pencil still working furiously.

"It's not the same," Gordon informs him loftily. "Swimming in the sea is completely different to a pool. Besides, how will people actually believe that we're frivolous, spoilt, rich kids if we don't have a pool?"

"We aren't going to be bringing people _here_," John reminds him.

"No, he has a point," Virgil says, still sketching. "Besides, I've always wanted to swim in a storm."

"That's because you're as mad as he is," John sighs as he watches the glee spread over Gordon's face.

"Well unless we build right on the beach, which we won't be able to if we want to use those caves, we're going to have to have somewhere we can swim so that we can get back quickly," Virgil reasons, flipping the sketch book shut and shoving the pencil into the spiral binding. Usually Virgil is far more careful with his artistic tools, but John supposes that even his brother has to succumb to the practicality of a situation every now and then.

"Time to go, boys," they all hear their father say from further down the beach. Virgil casts a wistful glance at the rich scenery in front of him and then leads the way back to their waiting father.

As it happens the work that John had thought would take years their father wants done inside eighteen months, in line with the completion of Alan's training. Then it will be down to the boys to finish off everything else. All of a sudden John's future looks very lonely.

He is sat in Travellers when he comes to this conclusion, realising that with all the secrecy and the hard work he is going to have little time to himself. Madeline, obviously not at all intimidated by the behaviour of his brothers only days before, sets large mug of coffee in front of him and offers him a soft smile. He tries to return it but it dies before truly forming.

"Oh, John," she whispers, "whatever it is can't be that bad." This time he does smile at her.

"I'm just thinking," he replies, glancing over at the counter where Virgil is flirting with one of the other waitresses. John is sure his brother thinks he is helping by leaving him alone with Madeline, but John neither wants nor needs it. She nods and glances down at her watch before pulling a face.

"Maddie!" A large man with dark hair and darker eyes walks in through the door and pulls her to him, kissing her roughly even as she tries to pull away.

"I'm at work, Adrian," she hisses. John turns his gaze away from the couple as disappointment races through him. At least now he can be glad that he did not make a fool out of himself by asking her out for a drink. A quick glance over at Virgil shows that his brother is watching the couple with a frown and John sees Madeline walk to the staff room and pause when she reaches Virgil. Then she glances back at him, her expression wistful and apologetic, before disappearing to get her coat.

"There's plenty of other girls out there, John," Virgil says as he sits down opposite him. John sighs. "Besides, it's bad enough that Scott's acting like he's married without you falling into the same trap."

"Some of us prefer lasting relationships to sleeping around, Virgil," John snarks, but underneath it there is the agony of a broken heart and a shattered dream. Scott is not the only one of the Tracy brothers to have found love and John sincerely wishes his brother infinitely better luck than he had.

"It can't hurt you," Virgil points out. "Come on, let's go and get some dinner at least."

John nods and the two of them make a hasty exit from the coffee shop, walking past Madeline's man mountain of a boyfriend as they do. Looking at him John cannot help the slide of apprehension he feels. He only hopes that it will come to nothing.

_Artemis_


	3. Chapter 3

_Had a truly rubbish day at work. Found out that someone is trying to get me fired. Joy of joys. Ruined my day and week more than likely. I'm positive she won't manage it but it's heartbreaking to think that there's someone out there who hates me that much. Oh how I wish I was curled up with Scott, John or Virgil right now. _

"She's got a girlfriend," Virgil grumbles as he flops into one of the armchairs in Travellers. Over the months that he and John have been helping their father oversee construction on what has been dubbed Tracy Island the duo have become regular customers. "All that effort," he continues seemingly oblivious to the fact that the blond has not looked up from his newspaper, "completely wasted."

"That's nice," John replies almost absently eyes training across a story about some celebrity scandal in almost complete boredom.

"Are you even listening?" Virgil asks, kicking his leg. Both of the boys are wearing jeans, t-shirts, old button down flannel shirts and steel toe capped boots, preferring the practicality of being ready for the site when they get there rather than having to change when they land and John yelps when Virgil's foot makes contact with his shin.

"You just found out about Jodie, congratulations," he snarks as he glares at his brother. It is an expression ruined by the lock of sun-bleached blond hair that John has to push out of his eyes. "People _are_ allowed relationships, Virgil, their worlds don't have to revolve around the possibility that they might one day meet _you_. I'm sure Sarah's very happy with her."

"Still sore about Maddie, huh?" Virgil asks, apparently reading more into John's words than the younger man had thought there was.

"So she's going to marry the brute," John shrugs, "I'm not sore about anything."

"Right," Virgil relaxes back in his chair and John has to wonder how this discussion got turned back onto him. "You just sit in here every day hoping to see her and making cow eyes in her general direction."

"I do _not _make..." John trails off halfway through his own defence as Madeline walks through the door. Then his face seems to war between anger and concern before he pushes himself to his feet and marches over to her before her colleagues have even registered her arrival.

"Hey, John," her voice is subdued as he approaches and it draws even more of his attention to the ugly bruise around her left eye.

"What happened?" He asks, although a part of him suspects that he already knows the answer.

"Slipped over in the kitchen," she does not meet his eyes when she says it, rubbing her arm and half rolling up one of the long sleeves. His eyes half track the movement, noting large bruises on her arm as well before she notices where his gaze is and tugs the sleeve back over them.

"Did you got those falling over as well?" He demands softly, glancing out of the window and realising that Adrian is making his way across the road.

"Leave it alone, John," she whispers, squeezing his arm and stepping away. "Please don't get involved."

"He hurt you, Maddie," John points out as the door opens again. Even while he takes stock of everything happening around him he realises that she does not correct him. Sarah is already making her way over, Veronica not far behind, and Virgil seems poised on the edge of everything watching to see if he needs to intervene.

"Please," she whispers again and he sighs, bowing his head. This is neither the time nor the place and he knows that any trouble will come back worse on her than it does on him. The worst Veronica could do is ban the pair of them but she could fire Madeline and that is the last thing that John wants. They may have been coming here for months, but John remembers the night he met her vividly and he wishes that he could see more of that happy and open woman.

"Who's he?" Adrian demands as he approaches and Madeline stares up at him, seeming to regain confidence with John and her colleagues at her back. Out the corner of his eye John sees his brother move to come closer and he gestures for Virgil to stay put for the moment.

"Just a friend," she tells her fiancee. Something ugly flashes through Adrian's eyes and John feels himself tense.

"I think I've told you before that you aren't welcome in here," Veronica speaks up before the large man can reply. "That hasn't changed just because you and Madeline got engaged last week." The woman's distaste for the man in front of her is clear and John wonders how Maddie is so blind to it.

"Please go," Madeline says when Adrian takes a step forward. The man glares and a part of John tightens in concern for the young woman next to him. He knows that things at home are going to get ugly for her tonight and he wants to be there to help. He also knows that she will not welcome that help or his presence

"I'd like to see you in my office, Madeline," Veronica says after everyone let's out a sigh of relief. "Now." Maddie follows her manager upstairs with only a quick glance in John's direction.

"She's a fool to be marrying him," Sarah comments as Virgil joins them. "He's been treating her worse and worse all year."

"Then why is she?" Virgil asks before John can.

"Where will she go if they break up? The house is his and it's not like we're paid so much that she'll be able to afford a place on her own." There is a bitterness to Sarah's voice and Virgil shares a long look with John. The blond can see that the chestnut haired older man knows what is running through his mind. The pair of them bought a three bedroom apartment to live in while they are working on the island, preferring the privacy it offers over the hotel. Virgil gives him a pointed look and John sighs. His brother likes the young woman well enough but as far as he is concerned she is an acquaintance rather than a friend. Sarah sighs after a moment and heads back to the counter.

"John," she calls as the brothers move to leave. "I see how you look at her, promise you'll look out for her."

"I already do," John replies and Virgil throws him a black look. His brother is not happy and John knows that he is going to hear about it. He shakes his head and follows his brother outside, a day on the island making sure the work is done is probably just what he needs.

_Artemis_


	4. Chapter 4

_I thought I'd posted this before Christmas and was left wondering why I didn't get any reviews and thinking about writing the whole thing off. Then it occurred to me to check today (thanks Teebs) and I realised that I'd been a complete moron and hadn't put it up at all. So here it is, chapter four to be followed in a few days by five (provided I don't have another exhaustion fuelled brain melt)._

John is driving through near torrential rain when he spots Madeline walking on the same side of the street. Her head is bent against the wind and the lashing water that seems to be coming in more horizontally than falling down and her arms are wrapped tightly around her. A heavy, and very wet, looking bag is slung over her shoulder and he slows to a crawl beside her. It take three blasts from the horn for her to look over at him and he rolls down the window.

"Get in, I'll give you a ride," he offers. His attention is half on her and half on the road and he is profoundly grateful that Virgil is out entertaining the woman of the moment and he is returning from the airport alone. There will be fewer questions. She shakes her head, brushing soaked hair that has stuck to her forehead out of the way. "It's freezing out there, Maddie," he points out.

"I'm wet anyway so what do you care?" She snaps and he sighs, knows he should not push this and also knowing that he will anyway.

"Because I don't like seeing you struggle, Madeline," he replies. "Please, it's just a lift."

He stops the car when she halts, leaning over to open the door. She stares at the car warily for a long moment, her hazel eyes barely visible through the streams of water that run down her glasses. After some thought, however, she gets in, folding herself into the seat almost nervously.

"Where to?" He asks as he pulls away. Out the corner of his eye he sees her face fall.

"I have nowhere to go," she whispers. "Adrian threw me out." Something in John does a dance of elation when he hears those words and he frowns as he firmly stamps on that part of himself. Instead he turns down the road that will take him back to the apartment he shares with Virgil.

"Okay," he says simply. There is still ten minutes, if they do not hit traffic, until they reach the apartment and it is passed in uncomfortable silence. "Come on," he says once he has parked, part of him wondering if this will turn out to be a massive mistake. He cannot help but notice the way that she is shivering, however, even though the heat in the car had been turned right up.

"Where are we?" She asks, staring at the building with something that John is sad to find looks like trepidation.

"Mine and Virgil's place. You can at least get dried out while you find somewhere to stay," the words sound hard but they are said with that kind softness that fills everything that the middle Tracy son says. He grabs the sodden bag from the back seat and concludes that the things inside will probably need to dry out as well.

She follows, her eyes downcast and her face shadowed with the kind of anguished emotion that John never wants to see on anyone let alone this woman. She is not arguing with him any more, however, and he has to wonder what it is that she is anticipating here.

The apartment is not exactly tidy when John opens the door and he sighs. Of the two of them he is the neatest and living with Virgil has been occasionally trying. Tonight, he decides, is going to be one of those nights. He sets the bag near the drier and goes into his room, emerging a couple of moments later with a clean pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt. The clothes are going to be horribly big on her but it is the best that he can offer until he gets hers dried. He hands them to her with a small smile.

"The bathroom is the third door on the left and there's a spare towel in on the rack. Go and get a hot shower, you'll feel better for it."

She stares up at him for a moment before whispering her thanks and leaving him in the living room. As soon as he hears the shower start up he begins to gather the papers that Virgil has left on the table and couch, it would not be good for Madeline to find them. While he works a little voice in the back of his mind informs him that this is a very bad idea, that nothing about having her here when her emotional state is so fragile can end well. He ignores it, picking up the phone to order pizza instead, and allowing himself a moment to wonder if he really has done the right thing here.

While he is debating the wisdom of this evening's actions Maddie emerges from the bathroom towel drying her short hair and with the sweat pants gathered almost comically around her ankles. She makes her way automatically to the drier, placing her wet things inside and starting to go through the contents of the bag she brought with her. She sighs as damp clothes make their way into the drier and he feels a pang of compassion for her that is far stronger than he had thought it could be. When he hears the bell ring it startles him out of his thoughts and she flinches.

"Hope you like pizza," he offers, pulling his wallet out of his back pocket and going to the door.

"You didn't have to do this, John," she says once he has paid and placed the two boxes on the kitchen counter.

"I know," he shrugs as he fetches two plates from a cabinet. If it were just him and Virgil they would have just eaten the pizza straight from the box but with Maddie here he decides that plates are probably a good idea. "I want to, though," he smiles as he puts the plates down and flips on of the boxes open.

"You're a good man," she whispers, covering one of his hands with her own and giving it a gentle squeeze.

"My grandma raised me to be a gentleman," he tells her, loading his plate up. She smiles, helping herself to a few slices, and joins him on the couch to eat. It is a meal taken in silence but it is a companionable one.

Madeline is the one to take the plates and wash them when they are both finished and John flips the television on when she joins him back on the couch. Her cell phone is in her hands and he can see the way that she fiddles with it nervously. Empty platitudes fill his mind, the temptation to tell her that everything will be alright, that he will take care of her and that she is better off without Adrian. He has come to really like her over the months that he has known her, come to enjoy her company and the soft conversation that they share in the mornings. In some ways he knows her better after these few months than he has know any of his ex-girlfriends and that scares him a little.

"Stay here tonight," he tells her, "I'll make up the spare room for you." She stares at him. "I can take you to where ever you need to go in the morning," he yawns it has been a long day on the island, a long several months, and he is more than ready for an early night. It is rare to get an evening to himself and he had been looking forward to this one. He cannot begrudge Madeline's presence, however, not when he has wanted something like this for so long.

"You don't have to do that, I'll call my brother," she assures him. "He'll come and get me and I can stay there tonight. You've done so much already."

"Stay," he replies, "I don't mind." He sees the way that she hesitates. "Alright, but the offer's there, Maddie."

An hour later William arrives to collect his sister. His greeting to John is quiet and little more than a nod, but there is only gratitude in his grey eyes. Madeline flings her arms around John before she walks out the door, whispering her thanks and kissing his cheek before following her brother from the apartment. John sighs and watches from the window as the car she gets into moves away from the building.

_Artemis_


	5. Chapter 5

_I'm on a roll again. I love having actual time off work so that I can sleep and write to my heart's content. As such I have more of Travellers and a nice time leap. Then I'm going to have to leave it for a while so that I can get more of The Blood of Innocents done. These two fics are about to intertwine. Never say that I don't like to give myself a nice challenge._

Even though Madeline has left Adrian nothing between John and her really changes. He still sees her five days of seven in Travellers and though they talk more, and sometimes she will sit with him while he waits for Virgil when his older brother is not home in the morning, they do not move past the point of tentative friends. If he sees her out when he and Virgil take advantage of the local nightlife she will smile and wave but it is rare that they will repeat the night that they met.

Part of him can understand why she is acting like this. Not matter what she might try to convince herself of, Madeline has been hurt by the way that Adrian treated her. He can understand that she would be wary of being hurt again, but as the months go by and the base gets closer to completion John knows that any chance he has is rapidly dwindling down to nothing. As it is, Scott is already finding it hard to keep his reasons for moving to the island from Hollie and the two of them have been together for nearly two years now. It is probably better, he concludes, to not even get involved. Listening to his father talk John already knows that his job is going to be one of the more time consuming ones. He cannot imagine trying to explain it to Maddie.

"Adrian always told me I was too stupid," he hears her say as he enters the coffee shop. He frowns as Virgil sits at their usual table and waves him away. He should probably be thinking about the amount of teasing he is going to get later, and the fact that his brother obviously knows him so very well, but all he does is wander over to the counter and greet Madeline and Sarah with a smile.

"To do what?" He asks, knowing that it is none of his business at all but interested all the same.

"It doesn't matter," she replies, blushing and pushing a strand of hair out of her face. Sarah rolls her eyes.

"Maddie's been thinking about a Classical History degree for years," Sarah says. "One of the universities just started doing one on their distance learning programme and I think she should go for it."

"And Adrian always told you that you were too stupid?" John demands and there is an almost dangerous note in his voice. She nods and he is upset to realise that she looks almost frightened of him. "To hell with what he thinks," he hisses then. John rarely loses his temper and rarely allows others to see that he is angry with something or someone, but right now he could cheerfully track down Madeline's ex and beat him into the ground. "Take the course," his tone softens as he says it. "If it's something that you want then you have to do it. Nothing that he said to you should matter any more."

The conversation happens a year after he first met her and six months later, as he is planning to move out of the apartment he shares with Virgil and onto the island with the rest of his family she does something unexpected. She kisses his cheek and thanks him for the support he has shown her.

"I'm not leaving forever," he tells her, "I just won't be around as much."

"I know," she replies, blushing and pushing her heavy glasses back up her nose a little self-consciously. "We just won't see you as often."

At their usual table John knows that his brothers are sitting and watching, he also knows that when he gets back them there is going to be nothing that he can do to stop them from bringing this up for a long time. The only one that he thinks he can rely on to be less teasing is Scott and that is only because his brother is nursing both a hangover and a broken heart. John has never seen Scott drink as much as his brother did the night before and it is hardly a surprise that this is one of the few times in his life that Scott has willingly opted_ not_ to pilot the family jet.

"You'll miss me?" He questions with a teasing little smile and she glares at him.

"I wouldn't go quite _that_ far," she replies with a grin of her own. She places a hand on his arm. "Take care of yourself," she instructs softly, "and don't forget about us." He nods but does not say anything else as she walks away from him and he returns to where his father and brothers are waiting for him.

Jeff is glaring his disapproval at his eldest son and it makes John glad that he has not had the same heartache that his brother has. He knows that Scott fell for Hollie hard and fast and as much as he and his brothers have teased the older man about it he can only imagine how Scott must be feeling right now. It has to be hard to find out that the woman he loves will not follow him into the unknown and selfishly he is glad that he has not placed himself in that position.

"John and Maddie sitting in a tree," Gordon starts as John sits back with his family. He throws a glare at his brother which is echoed by Scott throwing a ball of paper at his brother's head and scoring a hit between the eyes.

"Not in the mood, Gordon," he grouses.

"Well pardon me for trying to have a bit of fun," the red head snaps back.

"Leave him be, son," Jeff orders. He may not be happy with how hungover his oldest son is but John knows that he is more than understanding of Scott's reasons for getting so very drunk. It has been a long time coming, however, given that in the past it has usually been the brothers ending relationships. Unsurprisingly Scott is not taking it very well and he has been less tolerant of Gordon's seemingly irrepressible good humour. Tensions are starting to run high already and John can only hope that Scott snaps out of this soon. It is not like the older man to throw a tantrum worthy of their youngest brother.

The next few months are going to be interesting, he concludes. It is going to take them a while to get accustomed to living all together once more and it is not going to be easy.

_Artemis_


	6. Chapter 6

_I'm sorry this has taken so long, what with my laptop deleting the original and then fanfic logging me out every time I think I've made all the revisions I want to it's been a nightmare to get out. Also, I'm now at the stage where it's really starting to tie into Blood Of Innocents so if you haven't read that you might start to get a bit confused. Because only I would create a 'verse and then write two stories set in it at the same time._

Just as John suspected adapting to living on the island is interesting. While getting used to having his brothers in the same house as him is not as hard as he had thought it was, they have spent almost all their lives together after all. Finding one or other of them somewhere in the house is familiar and warming, a comfort in a way that John had not thought that it would be. He mourns his loss of privacy, however, this is not a large island and just as it is not unusual to find someone in one or other of the common areas sometimes he finds himself longing for the simple peace, quiet and solitude of his bachelor life, eagerly awaiting the day when he will go up to Thunderbird Five for the first of his four weekly rotations. It is not just the loss of privacy that comes with this tiny island. Even fully grown siblings will argue and fight and when they were growing up all of the boys had the option to hop on a bike or into a car and move away, as far away as necessary, until their tempers have cooled. There is not that option here and though and even though the arguments grow less as the months pass, tempers fray easily in the first few weeks.

This is mostly due to what Virgil comes to refer to as 'Scott's major sulk'.

Their eldest brother is understandably upset by the fact that Hollie refused to leave her life and her job to enter the unknown and though John can understand it he cannot help but be angry at the woman for hurting his brother so badly. At the same time it is almost a breath of fresh air for Scott to realise that he is not the only one who can break hearts. With Scott bad tempered and fractious harmless pranks, generally at the hands of Alan and Gordon, result in sometimes explosive reactions. Virgil and John are becoming understandably fed up of fighting the fires that flare up each time the younger two target their elder brother.

As the time passes Scott seems to get over Hollie, or at least push her to the back of his mind and by the time that International Rescue goes live he is back to being the brother they knew before the break up. He is still serious, still commanding in the way of all older siblings, but there is a gentle melancholy to him that worries his brothers.

Scott and Virgil call him early in on his first rotation, not long after the Fireflash rescue. Though they do not call often, both the older brothers are keen to remind the middle boy that he is not completely forgotten about up there. It is nice to talk to them and get updates on the daily life of island's inhabitants. There is a worried crease between Virgil's eyebrows, though, and an almost exhausted air to Scott that rings alarm bells in John's mind. What ever his brother is about to say it is not going to be something that John will like.

They talk meaninglessly for a while and Virgil mentions that Alan seems just as taken with Tin Tin now as he was when he was younger. It causes something to flicker over Scott's face and as soon as John draw attention to it he wishes that he had not.

"The job's to dangerous," Scott informs them. "I only realised it after the first rescue. We're going to spend the rest of our lives flying out into the most difficult and dangerous situations. Can any of us really expect someone to wait for us? Even if we didn't tell them what we _do_ here, how would they feel if something happened to us and we couldn't tell them the truth? This line of work doesn't allow for relationships." There is a bitterness to his words that tells John very clearly that Scott is not over Hollie. It tells him that Scott will likely never get over her. He feels a momentary pang of resentment for the woman who had inspired this shift in Scott's mentality but he cannot blame his brother for thinking this way.

John knows as well that he could not ask a woman to wait for him on the mainland while he lives a life of danger and uncertainty. It was one of the reasons that he never made a move on Madeline as much as he liked her. He can see that Virgil is just as bothered by this conclusion as he is. Neither comment on it, however, neither tries to change their brother's mind and instead they move on to safer topics for a while.

The months and years pass, International Rescue becomes a household name and the young Tracy men all settle into a life where they visit the mainland rarely and satisfy their natural urges with one night stands, rarely seeing the same person more than once and resigning themselves to the loneliness that their job has pushed them into. John maintains a distant friendship with Maddie. Always delighted to see her and talk to her when he visits the mainland but careful to keep her at arms length a little for fear that one day he will take things one step forward and put himself in the position where she might one day have to be denied the truth that she would deserve.

When Hollie stumbles back into Scott's life, however, his opinion on that changes. Suddenly Scott seems to be happier than he has ever been, even when Hollie has not yet come to the island to live with them and John decides that such a life is something that he wants for himself. When the opportunity arises for him to get Maddie's email address, though not as ideal as her phone number, he grasps at it with both hands.

_Artemis_


	7. Chapter 7

_Check out me and my inspiration. Any obvious bobble will be because I'm not used to my iPhone yet and it keeps catching me out but I'm moving this along. _

Emails between John and Madeline start off slow, focussing on her course and the books that she needs to find for her dissertation. Some of the more obscure, or expensive, texts he finds copies of and has sent to the store. Even though the books are for her John knows that she will object to the amount of money that he appears to be spending on her. So he gently informs her in one email, that takes three attempts to write and nearly two days to send, that the books are to be returned to him when she is ready and not before. For a couple of days he worries that she will give them back to his brothers when one or other of them next goes to the coffee shop but her reply assures him that it could be months until she can return them to him.

Part of John hopes that the only time those books come to the island will be with her.

As they get used to trading emails details about their daily lives start to slip in as well and John finds himself gaining a better understanding of this woman who has captured his eye. Madeline has no idea what she will do with this degree once she has completed it, although writing text books and research seems fairly likely, and she knows that there is a distinct possibility that she will never move past this and into something better with more regular hours. John tells her about some of the research that he is doing while stuck on the space station, not that he can tell her _where_ he is, and a few stories about his past with his brothers.

Madeline is close to her brother, he knows, but it is something that has lessened as the years have gone by. William has a wife and children of his own and he is nearly seven years older that Maddie, her parents little surprise. Since Adrian William has also taken rather too close an interest in Madeline's love life, although John agrees that she needs to have someone looking out for her in that respect, and he thinks that there might be a little bit of resentment on her part towards her brother. Instead he assures her that it is perfectly normal for older brothers to be over protective and reminds her that he has two to back up that theory.

When her next email arrives it is his turn to make the weekly supply run and rather than replying almost straight away as he usually would he leaves it a couple of days. Madeline's face when he walks into Travellers makes something warm race through him. It is an expression of pure delight, her eyes lighting up with absolute joy at seeing him in front of her, and though John sits at his usual table Madeline is quick to find a reason to come and join him if only for a few minutes.

"Take your break," Sarah mutters to her after Madeline has greeted him. "Hey, Blondie," she says to John and he inclines his head with a wry smile. There is no malice in Sarah's tone, the nickname one that shows he has been accepted by Maddie's friends more than anything else. She waits until Madeline has hurried off to get a cup of coffee before leaning in close. "She's still single, you know, do us all a favour and ask her to dinner."

The words are exactly the kind of encouragement that he needs and John is quick to place a call to his father to ensure that he can be spared for the night. Fortunately his father does not ask any questions, though John suspects that he can guess the reasons for the change of plans, and John is quickly able to end that call and make one to a local hotel. Madeline returns before he can make dinner reservations but there is a suspicious gleam to her eyes that tells him she has heard him making the hotel reservation.

"Hot date?" She asks him.

"Maybe," he replies not missing the flicker of hurt and disappointment in her eyes. "I haven't actually asked her yet," he admits.

"What if she says no?" Madeline is leaning forward now, apparently unable to hide her interest.

"I'm hoping she won't," his smile is a little rueful. "What time do you finish today?"

"Four thirty, why do you ask?" John would be a fool to miss the flash of hope in her eyes.

"So if I were to swing by your place at, say, six? Would that give you enough time to get ready for dinner?" This is something that he learnt from both Virgil and Scott and from the way Maddie grins at him it still seems to work.

"Better say seven," she counters. "It takes about twenty minutes to get to mine from here and I wouldn't want to keep you waiting." They exchange numbers after that and Maddie gives him her address so that he can pick her up later.

The rest of John's day involves checking into his hotel, making dinner reservations and then finding something a little bit nicer to wear. He knows that Maddie probably would not mind but given that he has taken the trouble to find a nice place for them to eat it would be a shame to let that down by going in his jeans. The rest of the afternoon is spent wondering where they will take this from here. If this evening is successful, and this date a good one, John has to wonder how he and Madeline can proceed.

After all, things for John will never be as simple as for Scott, Virgil and Gordon. Even Alan could have it easy if he were just to do the smart thing and admit how he feels to Tin Tin. His long absences when aboard Five and the secretive nature of his job will demand that any woman he gets involved with trusts him so wholely and completely that she will be happy to not see him for weeks at a time.

At least Maddie already knows that he will sometimes be away for long periods.

_Artemis_


	8. Chapter 8

_Part two of John's date. Lucky John. The fever, as mentioned in BOI, is gone. I still feel like I have tonsils the size of small buildings. Writing distracts me._

Latin music fills the restaurant and it is slightly louder than John would usually like while he eats. The reason that he has chosen this particular place, however, is the fact that they have a dance floor. At the moment it is fairly empty, though the night is early, but John has eaten here enough times in the past to know that it will fill up very quickly. He takes Madeline's hand in his own and she smiles up at him. The tiny blonde is wearing a sky blue dress that flares out above her knees displaying the lace of the petticoats underneath it which give it it's shape. It makes John glad that he bought a nice pair of slacks and a new button down shirt in navy blue to wear, well aware that his choice brings out the colour of his eyes.

The conversation over dinner is light and easy. Stories of childhood mischiefs and, in John's case, recent family pranks.

"Gordon would never really do that, would he?" Maddie laughs, her tone incredulous and her eyes shining with mirth.

"You've met my brother," John tells her, "you tell me."

"Oh. He did, didn't he?" She laughs as John nods, pushing her glasses up her nose with one finger.

They continue like this through dinner and even though he has to watch what he tells her John finds himself relaxing with every moment that he spends with her. It is nice to relax like this with someone who is not his family or an extended member of that tight knit unit. It is nice to spend time with someone who likes him for the person that they are discovering and not someone who knows more of his secrets than John likes to think about.

Once they have eaten and chatted for a while John turns his attention to the now almost full dance floor, when he looks back at Madeline there is a gleam in his eye that makes her give him a more suspicious look.

"Let's dance," he tells her, getting to his feet.

"I can't dance like that," she laughs nervously.

"I can," he assures her, taking her hand and tugging her to her feet. "Just follow my lead and trust me."

Her laughter follows them onto the dance floor where he spins her before pulling her tight against him. After a couple of false starts and stepped on toes, followed by apologies and very unmanly giggling, they finally find the rhythm with each other and John leads her in the sensual dance. The feel of her body moving against his is almost overpowering, coupled with the music and the lights to make him almost drunk with his desire for her as he leads her to the beat of the music. Though not the sort of thing that he would usually listen to, the pulse of this music added to the sheer passion of this salsa-esque dance is enough to change this night from one with the vaguest possibility of something more to Madeline returning to his hotel with him.

oOo

John wakes the next morning wrapped around a warm body with his nose being tickled by short blonde hair. There is no hangover, as he would usually associate with waking up in a hotel room with a woman, and he knows her instantly. Madeline is still sleeping and John thinks about the night before with a smile. It had been good to get out and let off some steam, good to dance again even though he knows his brothers would tease if they found out about that talent. It has been good to just feel free for one night and not have to worry about International Rescue or life on Tracy Island as he knows it. Maddie's eyes open while he is lost in his thoughts and she squints at him for a long moment before moving in to press a chaste kiss to his cheek. Given their activities the night before John finds it almost amusing and he smiles at her.

"What time is it?" She mumbles and he reluctantly turns to look at the clock beside the bed.

"Nearly seven," his speech is no clearer than hers and she grumbles something into his chest. "You have to work today?"

"No," she mutters, "but this is an ungodly time to be awake on my day off." It would seem that Madeline is not a morning person in the slightest.

"Oh, I can think of a few things we could do with the extra sleepless hours," he says, rolling her onto her back and kissing her in the kind of way that leaves her in no doubt of his intentions. "Then after that we could get room service to bring us breakfast in bed," he suggest. Madeline looks up at him breathlessly and then her face splits with a huge smile. There is no more conversation for a long while.

The amount of food that the two of them order for breakfast is almost indecent, but with the variety on offer it is difficult for them to chose just one dish each and they pick and mix their way through nearly everything that the hotel has to offer. Madeline is wrapped up in John's shirt, cross legged on top of the sheets and stealing forkfuls of food off his plate when his father calls to check in. John reluctantly excuses himself, pressing a kiss to the top of Madeline's head just before answering the call. It takes longer than he would like to iron out the details but once John confirms that he will be back on the island for midday he returns to the bedroom to find Madeline adjusting her dress.

"I should go," she tells him with a blush.

"Let me grab a quick shower and I'll drop you home," he tells her.

"You don't have to," she shakes her head. "I can get a cab, really." He kisses her, cutting her off as she starts to insist that she will be alright to get a taxi. She tenses in his arms for a moment and then relaxes against him with a half sigh.

"What's this about, Maddie?" He tilts her chin up, meeting her eyes searching for his answers there when she does not respond. He kisses her again. "Let me take you home," he offers. "I'll be back in two weeks and if you want we can do this again."

"This?" She asks glancing around the hotel room. "Or dinner?" Several things slide into place in John's mind with something of a clunk. He is pretty certain that dinner, dancing and then back to a hotel room are not the usual dating procedure for Maddie so he can understand that she is not really certain where they are going to take things from here. If he is honest with himself he is not entirely sure where this is going to go either, but if Madeline is willing then John would like to see where this takes them.

"Either, both, whichever _you_ want, Honey_," _he assures her. "We'll do this again if you want to. _I_ want to do this again, the dinner, the dancing, all of it, but only as long as you want it as well." John knows that Madeline has had bad relationships in the past. He knows that she has had men treat her like little more than a piece of property to be used, mostly during his visits when Sarah or Veronica will update him and try to persuade him to step in and say something to her about it.

It is hardly a wonder that she is insecure about his intentions.

She gives him a watery little smile and nods and he pulls her into a tight hug, pressing his lips to the top of her head before tangling his fingers in her hair and kissing her with the sort of intensity that will assure her that he is completely serious. True to his word he grabs a quick shower before dropping Madeline back to her apartment. By the time they reach her block they are laughing and joking again, her moment of insecurity put behind them though John knows that later he will pull it back out and examine it once more.

It is with an almost tangible sense of loneliness that he returns to the island.

_Artemis_


	9. Chapter 9

_Yay, more Travellers for you and a second chapter to come soon. Either today or Wednesday depending on the scale of meltdown my mates are currently going through. I should write a book... Besides I have to do something to make up for all the money that I shouldn't have spent this weekend, thanks Chelle._

John gets back to the island a few hours after dropping Madeline back to her apartment. The island, as always, is quiet save for the barely noticeable background hum of his family going about their daily routine. Scott and Virgil are waiting for him when he lands and he knows that Gordon will not be far behind. Both his older brothers are smirking and John knows exactly where their minds have gone.

"Blonde or brunette?" Virgil asks as they begin to unload the week's supplies.

"A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell," he grins in reply. His brothers share a long look.

"Maddie," Scott concludes and Virgil nods. "I told you he'd finally done it," Virgil scowls at his older brother, "looks like you've got maintenance of the Mole for the next month." There is no mistaking the glee in Scott's voice when he say it.

Making bets with various aspects of maintaining International Rescue has become the norm on the island. They have a comfortable life and adding the less desirable jobs as a penalty to a lost bet is a way of making things a little more interesting. It is a small amusement and one that their father indulges with a shake of his head and a smile. John huffs a brief laugh, it is just like his brothers to make wagers concerning his love life when they have their own to think about.

The middle Tracy brother is not blind, nor is he stupid, just as his siblings know that he likes Madeline more than he would rather they realise he is aware that Virgil has developed something of a fondness for Hollie's friend Erin. He would pay good money to meet the woman who has caught Virgil's eye as more than just a passing fancy. Of all of them Alan, with his racing and seeming fear of commitment, would be the one expected to be the wild card. Alan would be the one expected to sleep around and play the field. Instead it is Virgil, with his artists temperament and musicians hands, who has always seemed unable to settle. Virgil who rarely had a relationship longer than a couple of months and Virgil who guarded his heart more closely than any other member of the family. John doubts he will ever figure out why but he would have liked to meet Hollie's friend.

His contemplation of his brother's love lives is cut short by Gordon's arrival and it is clear as soon as he appears that today is one of his bad days. Though he is trying hard to hide it there is a set look to his expression that speaks of a great deal of pain. John knows instantly that he is not the only one to notice what his brother has become so skilled at hiding but he is the first to take Gordon to one side.

"We don't need any help, why don't you take it easy for a bit?" He asks the red-head. Usually Gordon would laugh it off but today he sees the way that Gordon's shoulders slump and he rubs absently at the side of his face.

"You're probably right," Gordon agrees. "I knew dozing off in that chair was a bad idea."

John squeezes his brother's shoulder briefly and watches as he walks away, catching Scott's eye for a moment and seeing the approval there. Though Gordon is as active these days as he ever was John still remembers the frightening months after his accident. He still remembers hearing that Gordon might never walk again and that if he did he might never regain the quality of life that is so essential to his exuberant nature. While it is a relief that Gordon made an almost complete recovery he still has to be careful with certain activities, particularly remaining in the same position for extended periods of time. Sleeping in an awkward manner, like in a chair, is one of the few things that can really affect the younger man. After all, John gets a twinge in his own back after spending a night in a chair and he does not have the kind of scarring that Gordon does. It is still a credit to his brother's stubborn nature that he tries to carry on no matter what kind of pain he might be in. It is something that his whole family is guilty of to one degree or another.

They work quickly to get the supplies from the plane and stored away, Scott quick to grab a few packages that Hollie asked be picked up for Ashwyn and John has to bite back a comment about how the woman already has his eldest brother completely under her thumb. This is not because he is feeling particularly generous, or even because he does not feel like joining in with Virgil's gentle ribbing, it is simply because his brothers have their own ammunition to use against him and the last thing that John wants is to catch their eye and be the subject of their teasing about Madeline, not when everything is so new between them.

His phone pings in his pocket as he is making his way to his room to change before heading down to the pool for a swim and he pulls it out of his pocket. It is a message from Madeline asking if he got back to the island alright. He smiles and taps out a quick reply before changing and heading for his swim.

Two weeks roll by in a haze of emails and texts, life on the island seems almost dull in comparison to his memory of his night with Maddie and when John finally gets to make his final trip to the mainland before he has to go back up to Thunderbird Five the first thing his does is call Madeline to organise another night out. This time he takes her to a quiet little bistro, nothing overly fancy or flashy, and when he collects her he hears her friends catcalls from the window of her shared apartment when she kisses him in the street. It makes him laugh, particularly when she makes a rude gesture back at them and they continue with their shouted, good-natured, taunts. It is good to see her happy and carefree in this way and it makes John wish that he had more time to spend with her than these brief snatched days between his rotations on Thunderbird Five and knowing that it will be more than four weeks until he can do this again.

Fate, it seems, has a way of unravelling the expectations of the people of the world.

_Artemis_


	10. Chapter 10

_This one ties into chapter 26 of Blood of Innocents. John's POV of that chapter. In other news, I'm working six day weeks again and spending my days off struggling with this webcomic. Why do I do this to myself?_

John leans back in his chair, stretching as he looks at Hollie out of the corner of his eye. Scott's fiancée calls him every few days when he is stationed on Five, the two of them have become good friends and John knows that she misses having him around. Behind him an amber light continues to blink on the life support systems control console, indicating that one of the air recycling units has a fault. The middle Tracy is tired but more willing to spend time talking with his future sister-in-law than spending more time in maintenance ducts looking for a fault where there does not appear to be one. Later he is going to dig into the console itself and see if can find out if the fault is in there instead but for now he is perfectly content to talk to Hollie and try to push the mystery to the back of his mind for the time being.

John has come to value this friendship, the gentle give and take of their conversations, so it is easy for him to see that there is something bothering Hollie as she fiddles with a lock of her auburn hair.

"What's wrong?" He asks gently, knowing that it will not be long until she and Scott have to leave for the mainland for her appointment.

"It's nothing," she sighs, "I guess that I realised last night how fast this is all going. Going for this scan today suddenly makes it more real, you know?"

"I know what you mean," John admits. He is no stranger to fast paced relationships, learnt his lesson in his late teens about what it means to love someone so hard and so fast. Unlike this love that his brother has found, however, John's relationship burnt out almost as quickly as it started and he has carried that lesson with him throughout his life. It is one of the reason he has taken things so slowly with Madeline.

"It's been like a fairytale," her voice is almost hazy with daydreams as she talks, her eyes distant and focussed on her thoughts rather than on John. It is an expression that all of the Tracy family have come to know. "I never thought I'd get him back." She whispers finally.

"If anyone deserves you," he says as her attention comes back to him, "it's not Scott. But I guess everyone has to settle for second best every now and again." She laughs, the momentary flash of melancholy gone from her face and eyes.

"Want me to say hi to Maddie for you?" She asks after a moment with a teasing grin.

"Scott blabbed, huh?" He replies with a wry twist of his lips.

"Scott told me,"she confirms. "Although it was pretty obvious to those of us who use our eyes and our brains on occasion."

"So not Alan, then," there is a measure of relief to John's voice and he knows that she does not miss it.

"Alan hasn't worked it out yet, it'll probably be as much of a surprise to him to find out that you finally went on a date with Maddie as it will to hear that Tin Tin's been in love with him for years." She frowns as she falls silent, tilting her head a little as she finally catches sight of the amber light that flashes behind him. "What's that?" She asks. John glances over his shoulder.

"Probably nothing," he shrugs. "Stupid thing seems to think that one of the air recycling units is malfunctioning but I dug through them all last night and didn't find a thing."

"Have you told your dad?" The worry on Hollie's face is clear and John offers her a cocky grin.

"Why worry him about some fried wires?" He grins. "I'll grab a couple of hours shut eye and then take another look at the damn thing." He hears the door open and then Scott asking if Hollie is ready to go. "I'll be fine, don't worry, just go and enjoy yourself." She smiles and whispers a soft goodbye before signing off.

John smiles fondly and shakes his head, noting that she is picking up on his older brother's over protective tendencies. This is hardly a surprise given Hollie's history and it is warming to think that she cares for Scott's family as much as she does for him, if in a different way. He turns blue eyes onto the light that still flashes sullenly on the maintenance console. He knows that he should really look into it immediately but after a night spent crawling around looking at the air recycling units all John wants to do is sleep for a few hours. After about two hours of fitful dozing, however, John abandons the idea of sleep in favour of burying himself into trying to find the fault in the console. It takes him nearly ninety minutes to check the whole thing over and by the time he has replaced the panelling and is debating calling his father John is no less baffled than he was when he started.

It is then that all hell seems to break loose, the station rocks and John can hear the tell tale roar of an explosion as he loses his balance. A multitude of thoughts and emotions race through him in the seconds that it takes for him to lose his balance; the momentary rush of panic and disbelief that this is actually happening to him of all people. The split second where he knows that this could be the day he dies and the wonder about what they will tell Madeline and Hollie and how his family will take it. All of this goes through his mind in the moments between the initial movement of the station, the sound of the explosion and him overbalancing and striking his head on the edge of the console.

Everything goes grey and black and white, a flash of pain and a moment of disorientation, the slur of unthought words and the warm treacle trickle of fresh blood. Red in his eyes and haze in his vision, nausea floods him and pain rolls through him and around him the air thins and alarms shriek. He gasps and he gulps, struggles to breathe and to move, reaching, searching, seeking, getting to his feet with great difficulty and smelling smoke and the acrid scent of burning plastic. He coughs, choking on the smoke and the smell, reaching for the emergency breather units that his father insisted on installing and feeling the gentle hands of relief caress him as he takes a breath of clean air and a few moments to compose himself.

When he tries to contact the island and gets no response John realises that he is in even deeper trouble than he had first realised. Without being able to communicate with his family he is terrifyingly alone. His only consolation is that this explosion will have triggered an alarm on the island. Even without being able to contact his family he knows that they will be coming for him. For now he has to see if he can find a way to check his orbit and try to get life support up and running again.

It brings the dangers of his life home with a startling sort of agony.

_Artemis_


	11. Chapter 11

_The aftermath for John and he makes a confession. Also thanks out to Teobu who got my creative juices flowing again after Matt Cohenkilled my brain. _

John wakes from a dream of alarms and smoke and blood, eyes glassy with remembered pain and fear as he shoots upright in bed. Next to him Madeline stirs, her tousled hair softening the worried lines of her face as she looks at him through the haze of late night and street lights. It is her whispering his name that brings him out of the memory of that moment when he honestly thought his number might be up. It is the hesitant touch of her hand that reminds him that he is alive and she is still ignorant of the truth behind his dreams and bruises. Keeping the true nature of his job and the dangers he faces from her is the hardest thing that John has ever done and he finds himself envious of that new freedom Virgil now has, that freedom Scott has had with Hollie since she came back into his life.

More than anything he wants that kind of openness with Madeline, especially in light of recent events. Though it has been nearly two weeks since the explosion on Five and his bruises have faded and healed so that he does not look like he lost a fight with the entire football team John is still aware of the mottled yellow and black bruise on his forehead and the nearly healed wound that could have been so much worse. Madeline's reaction had been instant and concerned, fading quickly to anger when she realised that he had kept the fact that he had been hurt from her.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Madeline mutters as she kisses his bare shoulder, resting her cheek against him for a moment and listening to his heart rate slow.

"Just a dream," he assures her. "Just the accident." This is not the first time that he has dreamt about it, he knows that his brothers also have nightmares about their own near misses on occasion, their work is fraught with danger after all, but unless they have found themselves unable to sleep at the same time as one of the others it is not something that they talk about. Thinking about the accident, however, brings memories of the smoke and smell back once more and he finds that the need for fresh, clean, air is almost overwhelming. "Go back to sleep, I'm going to get some air."

Even in the semi-darkness he can see the worry on her face and he is quick to try and chase it away with a kiss. He does not like the thought that he might be responsible for upsetting her in any way and not telling her the truth is one of them. Not telling her the truth about what he does and who he is might well be the most harmful thing he could ever do to this relationship. He grabs his phone as he gets to his feet, slides the balcony door closed behind him and calls his brother.

-_Is something wrong, John?_- Scott's voice is hazy with sleep, concerned and John feels a pang of guilt for waking his brother even though he knows that with that time difference it will not be long until he hears Scott's alarm in the background.

"I'm going to tell her," John blurts. It is something that he has been debating for a while, something that he has wanted to do but has never been sure how to bring the subject up with his family.

-_Are you sure?_- Scott asks, sounding much more alert as the implication behind John's words sink in. -_John, you understand that father won't be happy when you tell him. This is the biggest secret we have, can you really trust it to her?_-

"Like you trusted Hollie. Or even Erin for that matter," John points out. "I've been lying to her for too long, Scott, and I can't keep doing it. Will you back me up when father finds out?"

-_Of course I will,- _his brother's reply is soft and John can imagine that he is looking at Hollie as he speaks. He envies his brother that as well, that Scott can wake up next to the woman that he loves every day. -_You were going to tell her anyway.-_ John laughs softly, dream and memories fading away in the light of his brother's understanding._  
><em>

"I just needed to hear myself say it," John admits.

"Say what?" He turns to find Madeline stood in the door with the hotel robe wrapped tightly around her. He hears Scott wish him luck before the line goes dead and he takes a breath.

"We should go inside," he replies, "this isn't a discussion for balconies and open doors." They go inside and she sits on the bed, watching him as he paces and searches for the right way to tell her about his involvement with International Rescue. Finally he pauses in his movements and runs his hand back through his hair.

"My mother died when I was very young," he starts, the words stilted and he barely hears her tell him him that she knows this. "It was an accident. Father always thought she would have survived if someone had reached her sooner with better equipment. I think that's what drove him, beyond all the grief, it was what made him work so hard, it was what made him buy the island. He decided to create an organisation that had the equipment and the speed to help people like my mother, even though he knew that such advances would be dangerous if made commonly available. So he chose the only people he could trust, his family, and he moved us all to the island. He swore us all to secrecy and it's a promise I'm about to break." The words are falling from his lips now, spilling from him as he is finally able to reveal this truth that he fears to expose. "Everyone wonders who they are, these men in blue who appear when they are called for. Everyone wants to know the identities behind International Rescue and that's who we are, my family and I. We are International Rescue. It's where I go when I'm away, to a remote outpost where I monitor the radios and wait for calls."

"Something went wrong didn't it?" Madeline cuts in. John nods but does not elaborate. It is enough that she has drawn that conclusion. "It's how you got hurt. Is that why you're telling me this now?"

He had expected her to be hurt, even angry, but there is something cold and flat in the way that she is talking. There is something almost broken to her voice and he cannot understand it.

"If you don't want to tell me the truth you don't have to," she whispers finally, "but you don't have to make this up to convince me that your father has you working in top secret conditions."

"Why would I make this up?" He demands. "What possible reason could I have for telling you that my entire family is involved with International Rescue unless it was the absolute truth?" He can understand her scepticism, can understand her doubts, but he needs her to believe him so badly, so much, that to even consider the idea that she might believe he is lying to her is almost unthinkable. It was something that did not even occur to him to take into account. "I'm telling you because I love you and I don't want to keep hiding the truth. Is that really so hard to believe?" For a terrifying moment her only response is silence, then she is in his arms and her lips are pressed to his and he knows that she has accepted his words.

"You can never tell anyone," he mutters when they part. "Do you understand? You can't tell a soul."

_Artemis_


	12. Chapter 12

_So today I bought a book. It was the last one in Waterstones and a man offered me money if I would let him take it instead of buying it myself when he saw me looking through it and having a small fangirl in the shop. No way in hell was I letting him get his hands on it. Not this book. Not the book that I think I will be referring to as gospel from now on when it comes to the Thunderbirds. Not when this is the Haynes manual of all things Tracy Island and International Rescue. It's so pretty. Although one wonder why, according to this book, John has a sitting room in Thunderbird Five big enough for four or five people to congregate comfortably. Teobi, when you come back to the fandom I challenge you to explain this._

Madeline does not know what to think as John tells her that his family are the secretive International Rescue. She does not know whether to laugh or cry. She does not even know if she believes him. She knows that the work that John does is secret, just as she knows that it not only proves quite exhausting at times but it also still allows him time to work on his next book and email her. International Rescue is at once entirely plausible and entirely ridiculous.

Everyone knows that no matter who they are International Rescue are secretive, to the point of paranoia in some cases, and they have their share of enemies in the media as well as the allies who praise all the work that they do. For John to tell her this, if it is the truth, is the greatest sign of trust that he could bestow. She does not want to think about what it would mean if John is lying to her and it is terrible to consider the possibility. It is terrible to think that she cannot trust this man that she loves so very much. She wants to trust him, she really and truly does, but there has been so much hurt in her past. She has been used and abused and discarded so many times that she is not entirely certain that she will ever be able to give herself to another man so fully again as she has in the past. She wants that with John, wants to be able to take his words as gospel truth and never let doubt enter her mind. She never wants to fear him, or for him, never wants to wonder if this day will be the day that he, like Adrian and others before, turns on her.

There has never been any sign of that in John. Such a mild mannered and caring man who befriended her long before she had any real inkling that he might be interested in her the way that she was interested in him. Even when she agreed to marry Adrian a part of her knew that she would be settling for second best should it come down to a choice between the two men. Except she had always known that John was only in town while he supervised the building of the villa he and his family would be living in. She had always known that he would leave one day and so she had never gotten her hopes up. Even now she dare not let herself hope that he feels same way that she does. So when she hears him tell her that he has finally told her the truth about his work _because_ he loves her she wants it to be true so very desperately that she flings herself into his arms.

It also makes something in her run completely cold, particularly when he tells her that she cannot tell anyone, something that deep down she had already known. She will be alone with this knowledge. Trapped with well meaning friends and family as she worries for him and unable to tell them why she is so concerned. Unable to tell them why her interest in International Rescue, always fleeting, has so suddenly increased. It reminds her just how _big_ this actually is.

"John," she pulls away from him and she knows that something in her voice must give him cause for concern. "I love you, I've loved you for a long time, but this is big. This is huge. Don't get me wrong, I'm honoured that you told me but I need time to process this." She feels him tense under her hands and she knows that this conversation is not going to be an easy one. "I know it sounds simple, you work for International Rescue, but think about it from my perspective. Before now all I had to worry about was the fact that you were apparently miles from anyone when you were deployed. Now I have to think about the fact that every day you might be risking your life for total strangers."

"People do that all the time, Maddie," John says softly, "I'm no more special than a firefighter or a paramedic or anyone else who goes into danger to help others or protect their country."

"But you _are_," she insists, "because you go into the places that they can't reach and help the people who are beyond conventional means of rescue. No one even knows who you are. I could sit for hours or days or weeks waiting for news if something happened and no one would ever know. I know it sounds selfish but can't I be selfish for once in my life?"

"I shouldn't have told you," he says suddenly, regret tingeing his voice and she flinches away from the disappointment she can hear there. "You weren't ready and I should have waited."

"I don't know if ever would have been ready to hear it," she admits feeling tears prick at the corner of her eyes. "Not this. I need to think about it. I won't tell, you know I'll never breathe a word of this to anyone, but I need to get my head around it and I need to be alone to do that." It devastates her to say this, to move and start collecting her clothing as she tries to appear calm and collected while her heart is trying to rip itself out of her chest. Her decision will be the make or break of their relationship, if she has not already destroyed it by not simply accepting John at his word and resigning herself to a life of waiting and wondering.

She is silent as he drives her home, lost in thought and missing the concerned glances that he sends her way. She misses the way that his hand falters when he reaches for hers on the way out of the hotel room and the heart that shines in his eyes before he kisses her goodbye. She knows that he wanted her to say that she would be able to cope with his job, knows that he wanted her to tell him that she could live with it and that she would support him in it no matter what and she wishes that she had been able to say that. The truth of it is, however, that shock paralysed her in the moment he told her the truth. Reality crashed in on her and Madeline does not doubt his strength. She does not doubt that he will always find his way home and will always find his way back to her.

She doubts that she has the strength to watch and wait and she desperately wishes that she could tell him that she does.

_Artemis_


	13. Chapter 13

_So I swore I as done with writing Hollie but she kind of felt right for the situation and I let her sneak in there. No surprise since I actually like that particular OC. I promise I will resolve this whole mess next chapter I just wanted to give them some time apart to work through it all._

John looks tired when he gets back to the island and while his father and other brothers attribute his low mood to having to leave Madeline behind Scott looks more concerned. It comes as a surprise, then, when Hollie is the one to approach him in the garden where he has chosen to sit and think on the events of the night.

"I assume she didn't take the news very well," the auburn haired woman says by way of greeting as she sits beside him then wraps her arms around him when he shakes his head. "I never told you how I reacted to the truth did I?" She asks as she releases her gentle hold on him. For some reason John finds himself missing her almost motherly embrace.

"Scott just told us that you two got back together when you confronted him about it," John responds. Hollie sighs at that.

"It's my own fault for not telling him too," she admits. "I was _so_ angry with him at first, when I first worked it out for certain I mean. I confronted the rescue worker who had taken Ashwyn from him with a picture of your brother when we were still together. Even if she had wanted to lie about it the colour of her face when she saw it gave her away. I'd suspected for years, you know," John nods, this they were all aware of that from things that Erin had said to them during her recent stay, "but I'd never been able to prove it until then. I went home and the first thing I did was start ranting at the walls, I even nearly called him more than once to scream at him for not telling me three years ago. I didn't do it, obviously, but when I did call him about the funeral it was all that I could do to hold my tongue."

"You were angry with him for joining International Rescue?" John asks, a little confused by her anger.

"No, I was mad at him for not trusting me enough to give me the _option_ of knowing what he was up to before he left to come here," she clarifies. "I like to think I would have reacted very differently if he had told me the truth."

"What does this have to do with Maddie?" He asks.

"I doubt her thought process is the same," Hollie shakes her head. "I was angry with Scott because he didn't trust me even before International Rescue started and he didn't give me a choice he just moved here in all that secrecy. I don't think she's angry, I think she's frightened. I know better than anyone what it's like to wait for news and try to hide how scary it is from the people who know me the best. You've given her the information but now you have to let her decide if she's going to be able to handle this life and, believe me, that's not an easy decision no matter what you and your brothers seem to think. I'll support Scott, and all of you, in this but that doesn't make it any easier when I'm here and you're all out there. Just think for a second what it's going to be like for her."

John knows what it is like to wait and listen, all of the brothers do, but Hollie's words remind him that Madeline does not have the advantage that the rest of them do. Madeline does not have the same instant updates that they do, she will have to rely on whatever information reporters can get out in all the chaos that usually accompanies the arrival of International Rescue and their great machines. Hollie knows better than any of them what it is like to wait and worry while surrounded by strangers and people she has to hide the truth from. It is an almost frightening thought.

oOo

Madeline mutters a string of curses under breath as the hot milk splashes down the front of her apron and onto the floor under the counter. The elderly lady waiting to pay at the till glances at her in concern as Veronica tells her to go and get a mop. She sighs and obeys, her mumbles now less focussed on curses and more on her own foolishness.

"A word, Madeline," Veronica says after the mess has been cleared. The tiny blonde shares a glance with Sarah and then follows her manager to the office at the rear of the store. She takes a seat and waits for what she believes will be the inevitable reprimand and insistence that she get her mind back on her job. "What's going on, Maddie?" Veronica asks after a moment.

"What do you mean?" Her own reply is deliberately obtuse.

"Since you last saw John you've been distracted and bad tempered. It's not like you. What happened?" She is silent for a long moment before the words just seem to tumble from between her lips.

"I can't explain it, I'm even entirely sure I understand it all myself. He gave me a lot to think about and I guess I'm still processing it all." Her admission is soft, absent-minded as she realises that she has not really thought everything that John told her through. If anything Madeline has avoided thinking about it and she is starting to wonder if that was a mistake. Veronica is right, of course, Madeline has been short tempered and in a world of her own as she has tried to avoid the weight of John's confession.

"Well, whatever problems you and John have that you can't discuss with your friends I suggest you leave them at home," Veronica's tone is understanding but there is a hard note there as well. "I need you focussed here, Maddie, we didn't go through five years of you mooning after John for the pair of you to fail after your first fight. I'll give you a minute to get cleaned up."

Madeline watches as the woman leaves the room and glances down at the apron that is now covered in dried milk. She has another three hours of her shift to go and this will not be a pleasant experience. Fortunately she was not burned but she almost wishes that the reverse were true. At least then she would be able to think as much as she needed to. She reaches for her handbag and roots around for a moment until she pulls out her cell phone. The screen lights up on the same text message that she has been staring at for the last two days.

_**If you want to talk about it I know what you're going through, Hollie.**_

Her immediate reaction had been to delete the message. Hollie's help and interference was certainly not something that she would want because Madeline knows that no matter what Hollie might intend to do her first instinct will be to help John. When it came down to it, however, Madeline hesitated because she knows, no matter how much she might not want to admit it, that Hollie does have a rather unique perspective on the situation. Arguing with herself is not getting her anywhere, merely taking her around in circles and she hits the call button.

For the first time in two days she does not hang up straight away and so the call being answered comes as a complete surprise.

"Is that offer still open?" She asks Hollie when the other woman speaks. She hears an affirmative answer and so she asks her questions and desperately hopes that Hollie will not bias her answers towards John. It does not make her feel any less worried but it does lay to rest some of the nightmares she has been having. It enables her to decide where to go from here and she supposes that is all that she can hope for.

_Artemis_


	14. Chapter 14

_I know that it's been ages. I have an excuse for some of it at least, I had a baby and a combination of awful morning sickness and hormones led to this being thrown to the side. After that I'll admit that I've had very little time to think let alone type. Now that she's a bit older and likes to entertain herself I'm finding time, if only a little, to write. I'm easing back into it all slowly. We'll see how I go_

If she had expected her conversation with Hollie to ease her fears Madeline had quickly come to realise that it would not. The few times that she had met the other woman, and always in the company of Scott, had left Madeline to conclude that Hollie was a happy, light hearted woman, a perfect counterpart to her more serious fiancée. During this conversation, however, she finds a woman who could rival Scott's natural seriousness and she refuses to sugar coat anything. She had expected Hollie to leap to John's defence, to tell her that her apprehension over the situation should not matter because she has the affections of the middle Tracy child. The woman has done no such thing even though Madeline is certain that she is desperate to.

"Is it worth it?" She asks Hollie finally. Madeline is curled up on her bed in her room in her shared apartment, her feet underneath her and her glasses abandoned on her bedside table. The room is dark, the conversation has taken longer than she could have possibly thought it would and she admires the fact that Hollie told her to wait until she got home to start it.

"You already know my answer to that," Hollie tells her. "I wouldn't be where I am now if I didn't believe that it was. You're the one who has to decide if _you_ think that it's worth it. Can you at least keep in mind that you're the only one who has been told intentionally? I worked it out for myself and we threw Erin into it without meaning to."

"So you're telling me that this is a good thing?" She asks incredulously. All Madeline has been able to see when she closes her eyes over the last week has been John's bruises. All she has been able to think about it the fact that it could have been worse. All of her fears now rest in the fact that something could have happened to John and no one would have thought to tell her.

"I'm saying that the very fact that John told you this shows how serious he is about this relationship," Hollie replies. "That in itself should be obvious. This isn't a question about what _I_ think, this is about you and whether you think you can do this. You have no reason to doubt John, not after everything he has told you, because that choice shows that he is in this for the long haul. You just have to think about what he means to you." She may not be able to see Hollie's face, and she is fairly certain that right now she does not want to, but she can clearly hear the exasperation in her tone.

"What if something happens again?" She asks finally. "The thought of sitting here and waiting, not knowing what was going on, it's terrifying."

"I know," Hollie assures her and it occurs to Madeline that she really does _know_. "I didn't come to the island until _after_ Scott was shot. That was the most terrifying twelve hours of my life so believe me when I say that I'm well aware of how hard it is. You can't let that make the choice for you. Of all of them, except Alan, John is the safest most of the time and if he's ever involved I can keep you up to date."

"You'd do that?"

"Of course I would," there is a laugh in her tone now but it is more relieved than mocking or amused. "I would have given anything to have someone keeping me in the loop before I decided move to the island. Have you decided?" The question makes Madeline realise that she _has_ made up her mind and her choice is at once a complete surprise and at the same time so utterly obvious that it amazes her that it has taken this long.

"I have."

"Then you had better tell him," there is a note in her voice that Madeline cannot quite decipher, she does not know the other woman well enough, but she suspects that Hollie knew what she would decide even before she did. They waste little time on goodbyes, it is obvious that Hollie wants Madeline to talk to John as soon as possible.

The problem is that Madeline is not even sure where she should begin.

oOo

For John the days between his conversation with Hollie and waiting to hear from Madeline are no less difficult. He knows that the time is fast approaching, no matter what Maddie decides, when he will have to tell his father that she knows the truth. After the events of the last week John really has to admit that he is not looking forward to it. Erin finding out the way she did is bad enough but at least his father has admitted that it was his fault to a point. John did not even consult him about Madeline and he knows that he should have done.

There is also the fact that he is jealous, very jealous, of his older brothers.

John had long accepted that his month long stints in Five would make it harder, more so than it would for Alan, for him to find any form of lasting relationship. He has also acknowledged that even if he could find a woman who would accept the time he was away in all his secrecy she would not necessarily accept the fact that he was a part of International Rescue. He knows that the danger that comes with that job would not be something that it would be easy for any woman to come to terms with and that is why he envies his brothers. The women they chose to bring into their lives have both taken the information in their stride, in fact he suspects that Erin found the idea rather exciting, and it is this that he is jealous of more than anything. His brothers will more than likely never know the pain that the possibility of being rejected for their choice of career might bring.

Even Scott, who suffered the pain of losing Hollie because of the secrets, has found happiness with her again. His pain might not be forgotten but the bitterness and melancholy that it brought has been put aside. Hollie has even come to the island and given up her own home and career to do so. As far as John knows it never once occurred to her to ask Scott if he would consider doing the same. As far as John knows it was always understood between the two of them that this was Scotts's choice and his life and that his previous offer of a home on the island still stood. While it is a relief to the family that she did not ask him to give up his life John sometimes wonders what would have happened if she had.

For a moment it makes his mind drift to Jodie for the first time in years. He had believed, once, that he would never love as fiercely as he had loved the dancer and while it is true that he does not love Madeline the same way he did Jodie, she has managed to work her way into his heart nonetheless. It makes him acknowledge that he did not guard his heart as well as he probably should have.

All things considered John is incredibly jealous of the luck his brothers have experienced and it has been all that he can do to stop it from spilling over into their day to day lives while they wait for the parts they need to fix Thunderbird Five to arrive from various companies around the world. To make it worse their father does not seem to have noticed how distracted his middle son is either and that is going to make the conversation which they will have to have soon even more difficult. It makes John think about taking Scott and Virgil with him for moral support and that is not something that he has had to do since he was a teenager.

The buzzing of his cell phone is a welcome interruption of his increasingly morose thoughts and he turns his attention away from the view from his bedroom window and towards the display of the phone he has not let out of his sight since he told Madeline the truth a week ago. Apprehension quickly increases when he sees the caller ID.

"Hey," he almost breathes the greeting, relieved that she has called and not able to keep the worry about her decision from his tone.

Her response is no less nervous, almost breathless, and they talk for a few minutes in that awkward and stilted manner that follows after an argument which has been left to fester for too long. It is when he makes the mistake of telling her that his bruises have faded almost completely that she falls silent and he waits for her to speak again, almost terrified to say anything more or push her. He fears that this call is the one he has been dreading, the call where she will tell him that she cannot be involved with him if it means being involved with International Rescue as well.

"Can you come over?" She asks after a long moment and a few false starts. "I don't want to talk about this over the phone. I've got questions and I need to see your face." John has been stood down for the moment, only to go out if there is a desperate need for a fifth team member until he is completely healed. It should not take much to get away for a night, or even a couple of days. He agrees to her request and tells her that he will call her when he lands.

He has to hope, because he has to believe that if she wanted nothing more to do with this she would not have wanted to see him to discuss it all.

oOo

It is dark when he finally collects Madeline from her apartment and he cannot help but notice how tired she looks. He wants to pull her into his arms and kiss the breath from her, from them both, but he has to let her lead. He has to let her tell him what she wants from tonight because he has already pushed too hard and too far and he cannot risk pushing her away completely. He will take his lead from her and hope that it will go in the direction that he wants it all to.

"Dinner first?" He offers and she shakes her head.

"Let's go back to your hotel," she almost whispers. "I need to talk about this while I still have my head wrapped around it all."

The drive is silent, their arrival at the hotel even more so and the only sound is the click of her red heels on the polished marble floor of the lobby. They are joined in the lift by another couple, the young man and woman wrapped around each other as the woman giggles and stares at the diamond which must be a recent addition to her finger. The man cannot stop smiling and their obvious joy only serves to make the gulf between John and Madeline seem that much wider. Madeline's hands are stuffed into the pockets of her tan overcoat, her eyes stubbornly turned from his and she is worrying her bottom lip between her teeth by the time they disembark and leave the newly engaged couple to their happiness.

With each passing second, as he has frequently over the last week, John finds himself wishing more and more that he had never opened his mouth. He finds himself wishing he had not given in to the nightmare and the fear and revealed his biggest secret to her when it was clear that Madeline was not ready to hear it.

The door is barely closed behind him before Madeline launches into an explanation. The words almost seem to spill from her mouth but there is a singsong note to them which tells him that it has been rehearsed. He wants to interrupt her and he dare not. She tells him about her father the firefighter, she tells him how his career eventually poisoned her parents relationship because he never thought to call her mother after a job to tell her that he was alright. She tells him how frightened she had been when she had seen his injuries and how worried knowing that he is a part of International Rescue had made her. He can freely admit that he has no idea where she is going with this, even if it does mean that he understands her that little bit better.

"I want to try, John," she tells him finally. "I love you but I can't promise anything more than that we try this." He kisses her, because there is little else that he can do in response to her words. She loves him, he loves her and in an ideal world that would be all that they need. He knows that this world is far from ideal, he knows that they will have to work hard if they are going to have any success in this relationship but she has agreed to try and that is all that he can ask.

_Artemis_


	15. Chapter 15

_I have more baby related woes, waiting to hear if my little girl will need an operation. Poor angel hasn't had the easiest start in life and writing has helped me to take my mind off it. It was all I could do while writing this not to break these two up (I tend to do horrid things to characters when I'm in an awful mood) and I have to admit that I'm still tempted. Talk me out of it (or into it, whatever floats your boat). I may also have listened to an excessive amount of Backstreet Boys while writing this, does it show?_

John throws himself into the repairs on Thunderbird Five, needing to be busy rather than spending time attempting to interact with his brothers while hiding his distraction. While he is happy that Madeline wants to try and make their relationship work her reaction to his news was not ideal. Knowing how easily Hollie and Erin had taken to the truth he supposed that he had hoped that Maddie would do the same. Scott is aware that things did not go well, they have spoken about it quietly out of earshot of other family members, and although he has been supportive John knows that his brother has other things on his mind.

It comes as a surprise when his father approaches him on the balcony after dinner one evening. This late into the year it is rare, even in the near tropical climate of the island, that anyone in the family will spend the cooler evenings outside. John has come to find that he gains a measure of solitude out here, away from the noise and bustle of his family even though they are in shouting distance. The atmosphere inside is still awkward, Tin Tin and Alan are still not talking to each other after their fight following her date with Nathan. He has to conclude that with as tense as everything is it cannot be a wonder that no one has noticed how out of sorts he is.

"Are you alright, son?" His father appears behind him, joining him outside and turning so that they can watch the elaborate dance happening in the family room. Tin Tin is playing chess with Scott and Alan is trying to offer an olive branch in the form of getting her a drink. The young woman barely acknowledges him but John can see the sympathetic look that Scott gives his brother. Knowing what Alan said to her, John can understand why she has not been so eager to forgive.

"I'm fine," he assures Jeff. His father nods and looks at him expectantly. It surprises John just how perceptive the older man can be at times.

"You told Madeline," he says then and John cannot keep the surprise from his face.

"Scott told you?" He asks incredulously, unable to believe that his brother would fail to keep that confidence even though he knows that Scott also has responsibilities as second in command.

"No, but remind me to talk to him about keeping security breaches from me," Jeff takes a sip from his glass as he waits for a reply from his middle son.

"So how did you know?" For an uncharitable moment John wonders if all of his calls and those of his brothers are monitored by his father.

"You've been quieter than usual, you were obviously upset when you came home after seeing her a few days after the accident and until a couple of days ago you hadn't tried to see her. I would have to be blind not to notice there was something wrong. You should have told me, John."

"It was a spur of the moment thing," John admits. "I'm sorry, I know I should have consulted you but with things as they were at the time I couldn't _not_ tell her." His father sighs but John knows that he understands. It would be difficult not to, he has already admitted to his father and Scott that for a moment on that space station he had honestly thought that he might die. To think that he had come that close to death and that he might never have told Madeline the truth had scared him, it had made International Rescue something that he could no longer hold back from her.

"She didn't take it well, I assume," Jeff states, taking another sip and watching Alan storm from the room. He is going to have to do something about that sooner or later, he cannot have the bad atmosphere between the two of them getting any worse or it will start to affect rescues.

"No," John does not elaborate for a long moment, he simply sighs and turns his attention back out to the sea. His father waits in silence for his middle child to offer more information, aware that it cannot have been a complete disaster. If it had they would not be having this conversation in the comfortable sanctuary of their home a week after Madeline was told the truth. "She thought I was lying to start off with." Definitely not an auspicious beginning but Jeff has to allow for the fact that Madeline has been mistreated in the past. "She wants to give it a chance, but…" he trails off not entirely certain how to end that sentence.

To some degree John has always felt like the odd one out. Scott and Virgil have always been close, even before John turned up, and the terrible two are so close in age that they have been nearly inseparable for most of their lives. While his brothers, especially the older two, have always tried to include him and always been there should he need someone to talk to it has more often been his father that John has turned to in the past. Since the launch of International Rescue that has changed and John finds that he has missed the quiet conversations and words of wisdom that his father has shared with him in the past.

"At least she wants to try," his father replies softly. "That's all you can ask. This is a dangerous life, John."

"I know," he responds, still refusing to look at his father because he knows that he will see pity in those eyes.

"I sometimes wonder if I should have asked this of you," Jeff whispers, voice barely audible over the sounds of laughter from the living room. "I knew what I was asking you all to give up when I started this, but I never really considered the impact it would have on the rest of your lives."

It is unusual for his father to admit to fault in anything, although when he does it is usually grudging and with little grace, so to hear him admit so candidly now that he did not think about just how far reaching the consequences of his dream would be is surprising. John would have thought that his father would at least put some thought into the love lives, or lack thereof, of his sons before putting this into action. He would have thought it would be especially obvious given Scott's relationship with Hollie and the damage that the secret did to it before she came to understand. His father had asked them to give up their own careers, their own homes and their own futures, he doubts that the Tracy patriarch had considered companionship beyond the immediate family ties. He doubts that his father has been completely celibate in the years since his mother's death, the man did have five sons after all, but he does suspect that his father felt the five boys would be as content as he with occasional companionship rather than a life long partner. Better than any of them Jeff knows the pain of losing a lover.

"If not us, then who else?" John asks softly, though he already knows the answer. Without International Rescue so many people would be dead now, without this dream of his father's there would be less hope in the world and less wonder. Whatever his life might have been had International Rescue not existed John suspects he would never have found the fulfillment that this job has given him. "We knew what we were signing up for." He assures his father after a moment of contemplation. "You know none of us would change it."

oOo

Over the weeks he slips into a comfortable routine with Madeline, calling her in the evening before he goes to bed and listening to her talk about her day and her course. There is something very soothing in hearing her talk about such a normal life when his seems so unbelievable to even him. She never asks him questions about life on the island or aboard Thunderbird Five, though he suspects that she is desperate to know more, and he cannot figure out why she is so reluctant to learn more when knowing the answers might give her some peace of mind. The only question she asks is to find out how repairs are progressing because she knows that as soon as the space station is fully repaired he will be back on board. John does not know if this is a good or a bad thing but she has taken an interest in that and this is all that he can ask for.

They see each other once a week, the first meetings strained and he knows that she is bursting with questions that she cannot ask in a public setting and yet he is so reluctant to invite her to come back to the hotel room with him. They seem to have fallen back to the beginning again and it is difficult to hold back when all he wants is to pull her into his arms and never let go, but he does because that is what she has asked him for.

"It's almost like I don't really know you," Madeline says softly on the third week. The restaurant they are in is busy, loud enough that if they are careful she can ask questions and he can answer as best he can. "I mean, you aren't a complete stranger, I _do_ know you but I don't." She pushes a piece of chicken around her plate with her fork as she speaks, her eyes down turned and John wishes that she would look at him so that he could read the emotion in them. "I knew you had a secret but it never occurred to me that it could be _that_ even though it should have been the first thing that came to mind."

"Why?" He asks her. "Why would you have even considered it?"

"Because no one knows who you are and I should have guessed!" She hisses, startling the waiter who walks past at that moment and the young man throws a concerned glance their way. John does not even want to consider what he might be thinking. "I saw you and Virgil every morning for months, _months,_ John, and even though you were discrete I heard some of the things you said about caverns and tunnels, I heard you talking about finding different contractors to do different jobs that could have been done by the same group of people." She pauses and bites her lower lip, eyes flashing behind the same thick rimmed glasses that she has been wearing since the day that he met her.

"You never said anything," he says, deliberately schooling his features into a blank mask that feels as unnatural as it looks on him.

"Why should I have?" She responds. "I was nothing to you."

"That's not true," his voice is low but carries across to her with ease. "Do you know how hard it was _not_ to ask you out for a drink as soon as I knew you were available? Do you have any idea how badly I wanted to tell you everything before we had even started? I wanted you in my life the night that I met you, even though I knew it couldn't happen because at the time we lived in different parts of the world. Then with everything else I decided it might be best if I kept my distance. You were never '_nothing_'." She stares at him silently and he waves off the young man approaching to clear their plates. Now that they are talking about this he cannot allow them to be interrupted.

"We've really made a mess of this, haven't we?" She asks, hazel eyes contrite and she toys with the stem of her wine glass in a gesture that shows how nervous she is.

"More me than you," he assures her. "I could have found a better way to tell you and a better time."

"Maybe, maybe not," she concedes. "I don't think that there is _ever_ a good time to find out about something like this."

"Probably not," he allows the distantly hovering young man to take their plates and is relieved when Madeline shakes her head to indicate that she does not want dessert. He does not want this conversation to end but nor does he want it to continue in this very public place. "Look," he places his card on the bill, "why don't we go back to my hotel and you can ask me all the questions you've been saving up." He knows that he has read her correctly when her face takes on an oddly combined expression of relief, excitement and curiosity. "I can drive you home after that if you want me to but maybe it's time we cleared the air?" She takes his offered hand and it is with a flutter of nerves that they walk to his usual hotel.

_Artemis_


	16. Chapter 16

_My computer is on the blink. My delightful boyfriend has managed to salvage this chapter and the notes I have typed. That's about it and the computer has been so temperamental that I'm not sure when I'll be able to update again. I will, I have to get this finished because it's rattling away in my head and I need the space._

When they get to the hotel John begins to wonder if Madeline is regretting leaving the restaurant with him. She is quiet, nervous, and he hates to see her this way. He promised himself before he asked her out that he would never cause her to feel inadequate the way that her ex-boyfriend did. He is wondering if her less than enthusiastic reaction is because this revelation has brought back all the insecurities.

The hotel room, as always, is more of a suite than an individual room because even though he is not going to be in town for more than a night it is nice to have a bit more space. While the family do not like to _waste_ money, sometimes it is nice to take advantage of it. In this case it is nice to have a room where he is not falling over the bed almost as soon as he passes the en-suite, which is a room instead of a cupboard, and he has a sofa to relax on. This turns out to be a good thing as when he takes a seat at one end Madeline choses to perch on the edge of the bed facing him. He waits for her to speak and when it becomes clear that she is not going to begin this conversation he takes the plunge.

"Ask me anything," he leans forward, resting his elbows on his thighs.

"Why?" She asks. "Why tell me?"

"You know why," his answer is vague but he finds that he is not ready to tell her what he has known for years. He does not want to tell her that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her because he does not want to scare her more than he probably already has. He suspects Hollie might have said something though, she always did see too much. Madeline nods, her posture relaxing minutely and he is not sure what she has taken from his answer but obviously it has reassured her.

The questions that follow are well thought out: what is his actual role? How often does he go with his brothers when they are called out? Aside from the incident aboard Thunderbird Five how many times has he been injured? They come thick and fast and with each answer he can see her processing what this means for them as a couple. Eventually they come to an end and she is sat beside him on the sofa, tired but smiling, holding his hands in hers.

"I'll take you home," he offers when the questions finally ran dry.

"No," she pulls him back down. "I'll stay."

oOo

The months roll on and over time John and Madeline manage to find a relationship that works for their unique situation. It is an the sort of situation that would cause many to founder, difficult enough to be away from the person you love for any length of time under normal circumstances and John is well aware that nothing about this situation is normal. He is well aware that people must have questions about his job that Madeline simply cannot answer and he is just as aware that a lot of the pressure for answers is coming from her brother and his wife. He does not want to come between them, is too aware of the importance of family to do that, but he is glad when she tells him that this once they will have to respect her choice.

For a while, not long before Hollie has the baby, John is tempted to ask Madeline to come to the island and live with them, he even gets as far as talking to his father and Scott about it before a stint on Thunderbird Five puts that into perspective. Virgil has been trying to talk Erin into moving onto the island since he met her family and part of John is certain that is why he has become so adamant that he needs Maddie living with them as well. When he thinks about the marked differences between his job and Virgil's, however, he realises just how unfair that would be to her.

Virgil is on the island twenty-four hours of the day, seven days a week unless he has a reason to go to the mainland or International Rescue gets a call out. Erin will never have to go to bed alone, no one in the house sleeps when there is a rescue no matter what the time, she will never spend days surrounded by other happy couples while her lover is in orbit above them. She will never be completely cut off from her friends with only his brothers for company. He knows that Madeline and Hollie get along, just as he knows that Tin Tin would love to have another woman on the island. He is also aware that Hollie has been friends with Erin for years and that the other woman will have more than enough on her hands with Ashwyn and the imminent arrival of another Tracy without watching over Madeline, as much as she would wish to.

Besides, no one knows better than Hollie what it is like to arrive on Tracy Island as a near stranger to the majority of its inhabitants.

Having decided that his extended absences would be unfair to Madeline, John then finds it nearly impossible to get the idea of her coming to live with him out of his mind. The idea is almost addictive and while he is aboard Five he allows his mind to drift, he allows himself to imagine her in all the family areas. He allows himself to think of them lying together in _his_ bed rather than the impersonal bed of a hotel room.

"Why don't you ease her into it?" Scott asks when John's rotation has ended and they are on their way back home. At his brother's inquisitive look Scott finds that he is forced to elaborate. "Ask father if she can stay for a week," he clarifies. "She knows what we do anyway so we aren't going to have to scramble around to hide anything and it's not like Erin doesn't visit every other weekend at the moment."

"That's actually a good idea," John says in surprise and Scott shoots him a dark look. "I should have thought of it really."

"You're too close to it," Scott tells him, "get her to come to the island for a few days and see how she gets along with everyone, or more correctly with father. The worst it can be is a complete train wreck."

"That doesn't help," John informs him.

"I can't always be helpful, John," Scott replies lightly, "I gave you the idea, I think that about fulfils my brotherly duty."

John snorts but he is forced to admit that the idea is a good one and once he is settled, out of his uniform and fresh from a dip in the pool, he approaches his father. It is a good idea, after all, to get a go ahead before talking to Madeline about it all. The fact that it takes far less persuasion than John had thought it might to convince his father to agree tells the middle Tracy brother that Scott probably got here first. Scott does not always win when he tries to bring Jeff Tracy around to his way of thinking but the instances where he does have increased since Hollie came on the scene. It makes John wonder if his father is getting ready to take a more permanent step back.

As expected Madeline is thrilled to come to the island for a break, the warming weather of spring making it an ideal time to visit without the blasting heat of the summer sun. The visit is unremarkable, with no call outs and the family seemingly content to leave John and Maddie to their own devices.

"It's so peaceful here," she says on her last evening as they walk hand in hand along the beach. "I knew it would be but I thought that having your family here would make more of an impact. I had no idea how big this island actually is."

"Think you could make being here a more permanent thing?" He asks her, all his carefully thought out reasons for that _not_ being a good idea just yet flying out of his mind at the sight of her wind ruffled hair and content smile. It is a smile which quickly falls.

"Maybe, one day," she replies softy. "When I'm done with my course and given some thought to what I want to do with it perhaps. It seems a shame to do all this work, though, and never use it."

Her answer does not surprise him, in truth the very fact that he had asked her at all had been the big surprise, but he is amazed that he did not consider her degree when he was putting together all of the reasons that she might say no. The fact that he would still be gone half of the year does not even seem to have crossed her mind, simply the fact that she would be here and not using something that she had worked so hard to achieve seems to be enough.

"At some point I'll be ready," she assures him, reading into his silent contemplation and seeming to find the need to reassure him, "but not now, not yet. I've been burned, John, and I don't know if I'm ready to rely on someone else for the roof over my head again just yet. I've done that and you know how well it worked out for me."

He does. He well remembers Madeline's frustration at not being able to find a new place to live, the fact that even though she had cancelled her payment towards Adrian's apartment and bills she was still getting calls from the landlord to find out what was happening. Adrian had insisted that she was still living with him and he remembers how stressed and upset she had been over those months. She does not want to leave herself that vulnerable again and he really cannot blame her. Even though he knows that he would never mistreat her the way that Adrian did, does not believe that he will ever come to the point that he no longer wants her in his life, he does not say anything. He simply nods his understanding and they continue their walk along the sand.

He will miss this, he knows, waking up next to her and the simplicity of a day to day life without the obligations of work. It is easy to forget just how simple life can be when he is aboard Thunderbird Five and so focussed on potential disasters that he cannot fathom a way that Madeline can be brought into his world. In orbit around the planet it seems almost impossible but here, after a week together, it seems like the most natural thing in the world and he wants it so badly it hurts to know that he cannot just have it. It makes something a little bit desperate and potentially a bit foolish cross through his mind and even after he has taken Madeline home and life on the island has returned to normal he cannot shake it.

Scott may have been the first to consider it, John knows this from Virgil, but it had been a fleeting thought for his oldest brother and nothing worthy of concern. For John the thought is consuming and more than a little desperate because he is very seriously considering leaving International Rescue.

_Artemis_


End file.
